People confuse and fascinate me. There is a particular group of people I once knew who really boggled my bean. They were mostly male, in their late 20’s and early 30’s. They were really impressed with how “open minded” they were. They were (mostly) heterosexual guys, and they were loud in their support of gay rights, gay marriage, health benefits for same-sex partners, transgender pride, the legalization of drugs, driving Priuses … Prii? … whatever – those sorts of things! They rambled about freedom and acceptance and about being open minded. They loved Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire, True Blood, Dexter, and all of those shows that “everyone” loves.
I don’t love those shows. I don’t even like those shows. I dare say that I seriously dislike them. I don’t tell people that they’re fucking idiots for liking the shows, or that no one should ever watch those shows. I rarely even admit that I don’t like the shows – mostly because of my experiences with those particular guys. I just don’t intentionally watch them. Because of my personal preferences (NOT loving those tv shows), the guys often said (with malice!) that I was a “close-minded, judgmental bitch.” I was talked down to, belittled, and often ridiculed for not liking the “right” tv shows. Needless to say, they have all been removed from my life.
When I heard one of them tell his 2-year-old son, “if I ever hear you listening to that bullshit, you will have to find a new place to live,” when Rob Thomas was performing on TV one night, I once again seriously questioned the validity of this guy’s claims. I didn’t mention that Rob Thomas happens to be one of my favorite musicians. I quietly thought of how lovely it must have been to be so open-minded, and felt sad for his son.
This is another example of why I have so few people in my life right now. I’m still occasionally pissed off about how I’ve let people treat me in the past. I’m still on guard and looking for reasons to cut people out of my life. I don’t give people who might not be total assholes much of a chance. I know, intellectually, that there are a LOT of perfectly decent people in the world. There are probably a lot of really great people out there, too. I simply keep defaulting back to thinking about the pathetic majority of the people who were in my life for several years, and letting them continue to fuck with me.
The good news is that I know I do this. And knowing is half the battle. I’m noticing when I’m being oversensitive more often, and having fun with it instead of letting it annoy me. I’m also letting myself off of the hook about tolerating such bullshit in the first place, and reframing some of the worst memories into fun things. I particularly enjoy the times when I’m singing and dancing around the house to one of my favorite groups, and I remember those guys. They would have shit eggrolls.
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