A couple of weeks ago, my mom had her last visit with the out-of-town retina specialist who saved her eyesight. YAY! Granted, her vision is only correctable to 20/40 in one of her eyes (the other is 20/20 with glasses). Both eyes are cataract-free and her glaucoma is under control with eye drops. She’s back to being able to drive herself around and live independently again. Where does that leave me?
Well, after I was able to take most of my focus back off of my mom, a few months ago, I started reading several books and blogs and web sites about living and working on my own terms. I did some online courses. I dealt with a lot of shit that I’d been avoiding or just dealing with in unhealthy ways. Don’t get me wrong, I still have PLENTY of work to do! If I didn’t, it would be time to put me in the ground. Plant me like a tree. Feed some worms. Toss me in the ocean. Feed some sharks. Something like that …
Oh yeah, topic? Yes. I have been working on myself. I’ve also been annihilating my savings accounts and filling up my credit card balances, which sucks. It’s worth it to me, though. I needed to take this sabbatical. I’m not as devastated about the idea of getting another “real” job again, if it comes down to it. Actually, I’m okay with it. I’m even starting to look at job openings, without having a total meltdown about it. I know it would be a temporary thing. I am going to get this “doing work I love” thing down, eventually. I just might be one of those people who does it on the side until I get my alternative avenues of income sorted out.
My biggest challenge is that I feel like I’m doing this completely on my own. I’m not. I have people – communities, even – online. What I don’t have are people I can physically talk to. I don’t have anyone in my “real” world that I can meet up and bullshit with about blogs and online businesses and ditching the traditional 9 – 5 nonsense and all. The people in my life think it’s a foolish pipe-dream and that I’m being really fucking stupid right now.
Maybe I’ll look back at this time and think, “holyfuck what was I THINKING?!?!?!” Or maybe I’ll be thankful that I took this time to really solidify who I am and what I want out of life. It’s possible I might make this work, too. I might surprise people and come up with some genius fucking idea that changes someone else’s world for the better.
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