In looking back over the different “what I want to be when I grow up” ideas I’ve had throughout my life, I found a common thread.
When I was little, until I was about age 13 or 14, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I wanted to help little, hairy creatures to live the best possible lives. Once I learned more about the profession, I realized that I was MUCH too squeamish. About that same time, I became obsessed with the idea of becoming a lawyer. I wanted to protect people, and stand up for people (and animals!) who could not speak for themselves. I wanted to prosecute bad guys or defend the innocent. I didn’t care – I just wanted to do research and argue in courtrooms. This dream lasted until I began to believe that I could not afford to go to college. I had it all figured out. I wanted to go to Hamline University, where they have a 6-year (3 + 3) Juris Doctor program. I don’t remember where I found it or what struck me about the place, but dammit, I wanted to go there! I didn’t have the resources, however, and I let that dream die. I didn’t know about grants or student loans or any of the other options that were probably right before me.
For several years, I floundered around. I went through my first Real Estate phase. I love looking at houses and the thought of helping people to find the house they wished for REALLY appeals to me. Plus, the added bonus of the legal part of the business kept me slightly hooked into my earlier lawyer obsession. After failing the test once, on borrowed money, I let defeat get to me once again and I gave up. Next, there were a few years where I wanted to go into the hospitality industry, because I thought it would be great to help people have great vacations and painless travel. I didn’t pursue that, outside of a few classes in college.
The next time I found a profession I wanted to pursue, I really went for it! I wanted to work in Human Resources. I was working in Finance and Business at a great company. I liked it, but I enjoyed helping people to be more content at work, as well. I understood the policies that management had in place, and I felt for the workers. I had the perfect mindset to be the bridge that I thought Human Resource professionals were. After earning my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology (with a minor in Anthropology because people REALLY fascinate me!), I once again met with the painful realization that it was NOT my fated career path.
I killed myself in Information Technology for several years, because the money was great. But it wasn’t my calling, either. I’m still trying to find that.
My greatest desire, I realized, was woven throughout all of my former career choices. I want to make people’s lives better. More specifically, I want to help people to become more authentic and to lead more honest lives. I want people to learn how to connect with who they are, as individuals, and to be okay with it. I want them to live their dreams – and to know what they are in the first place!
I’ve seen so many people who lie about who they are. I believe the world would be a ridiculously beautiful and amazing place if more people were honest – with themselves and with the world around them. Think about it, if you will …
A teenage girl lies and says she loves football to impress a boy she likes. She is then “stuck” for the next few years, or more, watching football, going to games, rooting for something she cares so little about.
The guy who tells his buddies that he loves horror movies, so he can fit in. The same guy who wakes up, terrified and screaming, most nights, because of the awful nightmares that he gets from watching horror movies, which he hates.
Imagine, instead, that the girl was strong enough to admit that football wasn’t her favorite thing. Picture how much better her life could be if she only watched an occasional game, and found her own interests to pursue while her boyfriend enjoyed football with other people who shared his passion for it.
And our scared friend, had he been more straightforward with his preferences, might have found a different group of friends who also disliked scary movies. He may have even encouraged other friends to be more honest and brave. Maybe he would have stayed friends with all of them, and just not participated when they watched creepy things.
The possibilities are endless. When you’re dishonest, you seriously restrict your life. Some people can tell when another is being dishonest. There is a tension and an inherent distrust present that is sometimes difficult to pinpoint. Over time this can build up and cause or escalate small problems and ruin relationships.
What I want for all people is authenticity and responsibility. I want people to go to bed at the end of their days knowing that they were true to themselves. I want them to wake up without fear of being discovered as frauds. I want them to feel in control of their lives, even if they aren’t in control of their immediate situations. I want them to have faith in themselves and hope that, no matter what happens, everything is going to work out. And I want them to laugh. A lot.
This is why I write. This is why I tell people stupid jokes, and make them mad, and try to jostle their realities.
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