I respect honest people. I respect people who say “no.” I respect people who do things because they freely choose to do things. I don’t respect people who do things out of obligation. Especially if they complain about it later.
I’ve been to many parties and gatherings where people bitch and bitch about being there. I ask why they go and they say they “have to.” What? I don’t understand.
Life shouldn’t be difficult or complicated. Honesty simplifies things. People complain about it, though. They say I’m mean, or a jerk, because I don’t like lying. It’s a matter of perspective and opinion, like most things. I prefer honesty. The only time I’m okay with being lied to – in fact, I specifically ask for it! – is when I’m being told a time to be somewhere. I’m chronically late. That’s a whole other post. The point here is that I ask people to give me the wrong time to be somewhere if I need to be somewhere at a specific time. Most people don’t take me seriously though. I never mind being early. It’s such a rare and joyous treat! I love being early and waiting for other people. I find it quite relaxing. But we all keep hoping some day I’ll get my shit together and learn to be punctual. And, as usual, I digress …
Most people lie more than they realize. I still do it, too, sometimes. Until I notice it. It’s a process, like everything else. I hate lies so much. I’ve learned that not everyone feels that way, though. It kind of boggles me, but I try to respect it. Still, if I don’t want to do something, I’m going to say that I don’t want to do it. I won’t go as far as to say “it’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, and I’d rather go to the dentist than go there,” but I will not lie about wanting to go. I think that is extremely disrespectful.
Lying leads to all sorts of messes. Sir Walter Scott nailed it:
Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practice to deceive.
Here, check out two scenarios, where Person A doesn’t give a shit about Person B, but is “being nice” and saying they do. And yes, this is (very loosely) based on a true story.
Person A(hole): Oh it’s SO Good to hear from you! Let me know when you’re in town again and we’ll get together. I’d LOVE to spend time with you. I’m so incredibly busy, but we need to get some drinks and catch up.
Person B: Okay! Hey, I’ll be in town next Thursday, will that work?
Person A(hole): I don’t know, I’ll let you know. I am really busy.
… a few days later …
Person A(hole): I am SO BUSY! I checked my schedule and I have to work late that day.
Person B: I can amuse myself until you’re off of work and meet you later.
Person A(hole): Well, no, because then I have to go pick up some tampons for my mom. Sorry! Next time!
Person B: Okay …
… a month later …
Person A(hole): Hey, B! How are things? I am SO SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Busy! We really need to get that drink!
Person B: Alright! I’ll be up there two weeks from now, on Friday.
Person A(hole): Wouldn’t you know? I JUST found out that I’m going out of town that weekend! Oh shucks!
Person B (getting a Clue): …
… two months later …
Person A(hole): Hi B! I hope you are doing well. I’m so busy! I am busy being busy and doing busy things! Other random small talk about bullshit. Maybe we can get together next time you’re in town.
Person B: You know, I’m only a few hours away, and I manage my time wisely, so I’m not always busy. I have a fairly flexible schedule. Why don’t you let me know a good date and time and I’ll come up and visit then?
… Silence …
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND the way I would have done it if I was Person A and didn’t want to visit Person B:
Person A: Hey, it was great to see you! Maybe we’ll run into each other again sometime!
Person B: Okay! See ya!
… DONE! … No bullshit. No lying. No stringing the other person along for months. Boom. It wasn’t even mean! There are ways to get your point across honestly, without being a total dick. It just takes creativity and empathy. And the willingness to stop fucking with people.
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