I was being all emo the other day, pouting about and missing old friends.  Although they were once a very big part of my life, they are basically nothing now.  Nothing but memories – figments of my imagination.  Pretty much nonexistent.  Nothing.

Then it hit me.  That’s what all of my closest friends used to be before I met them. Nothing. Just random people, living their lives, not knowing me or caring for me one bit.  We may have crossed paths at one time without even noticing.  Until something happened and we became instant friends.

There are thousands of random people out there right now, living their lives, not knowing or caring for each other at all.  One encounter, one comment, one conversation is sometimes all it takes for a complete stranger to become a best friend.

It happens all of the time, and it’s rarely (if ever!) planned.  It’s happened to me several times.

I met someone in a post office once.  It feels like a thousand years ago.  I can’t, for the life of me, remember what he looked like.  I just remember this beautiful stranger and I having a great conversation.  He was one of those people I felt like I’d known for years the first (and only) time we ever spoke.  For whatever reason, I didn’t think to get his contact information, or even his last name.  All I know is that his name was Allen or Alan (I didn’t ask), and he was a firefighter.  Hell, it was a small enough town that I could have easily found him if I’d tried.  I knew what he did for a living, so it wouldn’t have been difficult to look him up.  For many reasons, though, I did nothing.  Nothing except mentally go back in time and slap myself for doing nothing, that is!

Another time, I asked a coworker a question about the color codes on our security badges.  One of the guys with him butted in and made that old stupid joke about, “we’d tell you but then we’ll have to kill you.”  Again, it felt like we’d known each other for years.  We were instant BFFAWs*.   🙂   Anyway, that time I didn’t have myself closed off to possibility, and we were very good friends for at least 10 years.  We’d probably still get along famously if we ran into each other tomorrow.

The point is, sitting around lamenting my current lack of friends is really fucking stupid.  Going out and meeting people and assuming they’re all lying pieces of shit who are waiting for an opportunity to screw me over is the only thing more stupid than that.

There was a guy in a group I belong to that seems like the type of person I usually hang out with.  Before I had one conversation with him, they made the announcement that he was leaving.  He was moving to another state.  Boom, I did it again.  I had myself so convinced that I was too old to be friends with the guy, that I never gave it a shot.  We didn’t have that instant “best friend” thing going on when I finally talked to him, on his last day.  It may have been because he was leaving.  Maybe we just weren’t friend material.  It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that I need to start approaching life again instead of letting more possibilities pass me by.  I need to start giving myself chances to have friends again.

Jonathan Mead sent another perfectly timed email on Tuesday, with the subject, “Why you should start doubting yourself more to get what you want.”  I’d love to quote the whole thing, but I’d rather you subscribe to him and hear it straight from the source.

Here is a snippet:

So what I’d like to invite you to do, is to doubt everything about yourself.

Doubt that you’re not worth it.

Doubt that you don’t have what it takes.

Doubt that what you think about yourself is true.

Doubt that you can’t achieve whatever it is you want.

Doubt that you can’t move past the stuck place you are.

When you doubt yourself, you open a window. When you’re uncertain you create a possibility in your mind that previously, did not exist.

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It’s in that moment of confusion, that something beautiful happens. You open yourself up to alternatives that seemed unreal before.

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