The other day my mom was talking about a couple she saw on HGTV’s House Hunters. She said they were living together – moving to another country together – but not getting married yet because they “wanted to see if it worked out.” What?
I’ve known a LOT of people who think this way. Hell, I used to think that way! It seriously makes my head spin. I can not understand how people can be so passive in their lives. Are they so against taking responsibility for their lives that they really think they don’t have choices? Would they go to a restaurant and “see” what was for dinner? Or would they look at the menu, make a decision, and tell the waiter or waitress what they wanted? Chances are, they would make the decision and order their food.
That’s one meal. We’re talking about a relationship that might last for years and years – possibly the rest of their lives – and they’re going to SEE IF IT WORKS?!
WTF?!
Why wouldn’t they just Decide whether or not they wanted to be in a relationship and then do that? Or don’t do that.
Life isn’t something that just happens while we sit around, wringing our hands! It’s the result of decisions we’ve made. Even if you don’t think you’re making a decision, your lack of a decision is a decision to do nothing.
Sure, shit happens. Unless you’re a radical believer of the Law of Attraction, chances are, sometimes shit happens that is not under your immediate control. But you are in control of what you do or don’t do with the shit that happens.
If you’re in a relationship with someone, you have a lot more control than you probably realize. You are 50% of the couple! And you are 100% responsible for your own happiness. I think people who say they want someone to “make them happy,” or think they can “make someone else happy,” are sad, sad individuals. They are at the mercy of someone who, no matter how familiar, will never know exactly what the other person is feeling.
Actually, I’m very sad for them. And kind of frustrated. Maybe they don’t know! It’s kind of a hard realization sometimes. When I first started taking complete responsibility for my life I wound up in one hell of a depression. I couldn’t believe all of the crap I’d put up with, or created, or wasn’t aware of. It’s taken me years to stop beating the hell out of myself for so many things that occurred in my life. Once I got (mostly) past that, it’s been an amazing time!
I love the freedom of being in control of my life. Or, at least, of being in control of myself, most of the time. It took some getting used to – not blaming other people or situations for my well-being. It’s worth it, though. I am more at peace than I have ever been. I feel like a real person, instead of a puppet – some helpless victim of circumstance. Yes, sometimes it sucks. I’m not going to lie and say it’s all great all of the time. For me, though, it’s worth it.
It’s taken the people who are close to me a while to adjust to my line of thinking. However, I think it’s liberating for them to know that I won’t blame them for my bad moods or rely on them for my happiness. And (I hope!) they know that when I say I am going to do something, it’s because I choose to do something. I’m not going to just go along for the sake of going along, and later be all pissy about it like oh, so many people do.
In theory, it all makes perfect sense to me. Hopefully I don’t fall into my old ways of thinking if I ever get into another “relationship” relationship again. Then I’d have to get really pissed off at myself again, and no good comes from that.
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