It sounds so simple. When pointed out, though, sometimes it seems like the Greatest . Epiphany . Ever.
Even when I was a little kid, I did not like having my first name. Sure, I think it’s a fine name. There were probably 4 or 5 other girls in my elementary school with the same first name. It just didn’t suit me. I mentioned this at the beginning of a semester in college, when we were doing that infernal, “state your name and tell us a little about yourself” bullshit that often happens in small groups. I also shared that I’d been divorced for a couple of years at the time, hadn’t changed my last name yet, and wasn’t going to “revert back to my maiden name,” because I was not a fan of that particular side of my family. My instructor responded by asking me a question. “Why don’t you change your first name when you change your last name?”
Holy shit, what?!
Before that simple question I didn’t even realize it was an option. It never occurred to me.
Then I got excited. The instructor suggested a way for me to feel more certain about the name I’d chosen. She asked the class to call me by the chosen name for the semester. It fit. It felt more natural than the name I was given at birth. I loved it. It was initially a little confusing for some of the participants, as we had other classes together and they had to remember which name to use when they saw me.
By the end of the semester it was official. I’d filed the paperwork, gone to court, and legally changed my first and last names.
It was amazing. It wasn’t only about the name. I think that was when I began seeing more options all around me, in general. I was going to a doctor who was a dick. I was paying someone to provide medical services to me and I was not happy with the service. Easy enough – I did some research and found a new doctor.
I don’t think I’ve ever been the type of person to shut up, sit down, and refrain from rocking the boat. This new perspective brought out even more of my inquisitive (or “pain in the ass,” according to some people) tendencies. Over time it has led me to the place where I often have great difficulty sympathizing with and understanding why more people don’t ask more questions of this nature.
Some people are really fond of their problems. When asked how they are doing, their common response is to list all of their recent health concerns, aches & pains, and financial struggles. Not to mention how awful this or that person was and all of the terrible things that have happened to them lately.
Those people are not usually receptive to the idea of “if you don’t like it, change it.” Those people annoy the hell out of me.
The curious people are fun, though. I love talking to them. These are the people who start to wonder how many of the things they don’t like can be changed. They start to take more responsibility for their own lives. They see possibilities where they once saw dead ends. They ask questions. Then they ask more questions. Then their lives become more interesting and problems become fun puzzles to be solved instead of reasons to be unhappy.
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