Two Days Ago …

… I wrote this:

my head may have just exploded

Several years ago I had a conversation with probably the best friend
I’ve ever had in my life.  I thought he was full of shit.

I’m a very firm believer in personal responsibility, Law of Attraction, and all that type of thing.  Granted, I get a LOT of it wrong, and cause myself some serious damage sometimes, but I Am Still Learning.

~ Ancora Imparo ~

Tonight I finally felt what he told me, almost 3 years ago, right before he dropped out of my life (for the second time) without a word.

Basically, he said this.  Although it isn’t a direct quote, it’s close:

“If anything bad ever happened or happens with you and someone else, it’s their fucking fault, not yours.  Even if it’s me.  Especially if it’s me.  Every . Fucking . Time .”

I didn’t believe him until today.  I’m still not sure that I believe it, but tonight I finally took the anger and hatred and rage off of myself and pointed it at some other people, just for a moment.

And, in that moment, I stopped hating myself.  I felt amazing.

What would happen if I felt that way again?

What would happen if you stopped blaming yourself for everything and anything that’s ever gone on in your life that sucked?

I’m not saying to blame other people.  Well, maybe … but only for long enough to shift it off of yourself for a change, if that’s where you carry it.

I feel Amazing right now.

I don’t blame those other people.  But I don’t blame myself, either.

I’m not sure that I’ve ever backed off of myself like this.

I like it.

[tonight’s post was brought to you by Melody Fletcher’s Anger Release exercise, which just blew my fucking mind]

Thank you, Melody!