What’s the Difference?

Now that I’ve been back at work, at “a real job,” for about a month (including my week of certification prep class), I thought it was time to get my ass back in here and talk about it.  I’m sure I would have done this sooner had my desktop PC not shit itself after last Patch Tuesday … It might be irreparably damaged.  I’m trying not to spend too much time working on it because I have to pass a certification exam before the end of the month, and am attempting to spend more of my time studying than doing certain other things.  Yeah, typing blog posts is one of those “other things,” but I miss putting shit out here.

I’m getting used to using my laptop for things I used to only do on my desktop PC.  Go Me!

So, how’s work going?

The main thing is that, holy shit, I have changed.  My sabbatical / hiatus / period of funemployment / etc. really did me some good.

I thought I had changed, but didn’t realize how much until I was around other people.  Until I was out of my house and in familiar situations from my past, I couldn’t really tell.  With some things, I’m noticing myself falling back into old patterns, and making adjustments.  Other times, I’m handling it all like an Aikido master fending off a flood of angry toddlers – sweeping them away with grace, ease, and barely a conscious thought.

People and situations that used to completely stress me out and knock me on my ass seem mostly to fascinate and amuse me now.  I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?  Someone doesn’t like me?  I’m not sure I could possibly care less about that.  I (usually) like me.  Who else is with me 24×7?  No one.  Other people’s opinions just don’t really matter to me anymore.  I mean, I’m not a complete dick or anything.  I tend to try to find ways to make life better for other people.  If someone needs me to do my job to make life better, I’m on it.

Most of the time, people just want someone to listen to them and acknowledge them.  I’m dumbfounded by how easy it is to put people at ease and brighten their day.  It’s becoming quite a game to me.  Almost any time I’m interacting with someone, I start listening and observing and figuring out what matters the most to that person at that time.  Then I find ways to take his or her focus and put it on those things.

This isn’t the time when I get into the details, but I’m a firm believer in the Law of Attraction.  Basically, “that which is like, unto itself is drawn.”  If someone comes to me complaining about daisies and wants to see more dandelions, I start looking for dandelions and pointing them out.  I help the person shift focus from the unwanted to the wanted.  Not the band, although I don’t dislike them.  Still, a tiny shift can change everything.

When I remember to, I’m noticing the people I make laugh.  I’m seeing more people who are happy to see me than people who aren’t – or people who don’t even see me when I’m right in front of them.

I’m focusing more on what I CAN do instead of all of the things I don’t feel equipped to work on or solve.  This puts me in a better frame of mind where I become more competent and sure of myself, and more able to succeed.  I attract people and situations that are good, instead of indulging in the “woe is me, I hate my job and my life sucks” mentality that runs rampant in most workplaces I’ve experienced.

I’m taking time during the day to take care of myself.  I had a week where I didn’t take proper out-of-the-office lunch breaks and it was painful.  I’m not sure why most of the people I’ve been around insist on working through lunch without going off and doing something fun and non-work related, but I fell back into that trap last week.  Hopefully I do better with that this coming week.  I was dragging ASS by late afternoon.

I was also fucking up and staying up too late, not getting enough sleep, and skipping exercise.  Last week I started to panic and think that maybe I hadn’t changed at all – that I was already falling apart from being at work again.  I refuse to accept it, though.  I know who I am and what it takes for me to be at my best.  I’m not some dumbass who allows herself to be miserable.  I deserve better than that.  Most of us do.

Let’s see how this week goes!