I’ve been looking at my tone, and I wondered if I can write in a less angry, sarcastic, and confrontational manner and still be authentic. I don’t think I can. I’m not sure that I want to. Although I might be more helpful to some people if I’m nicer, I don’t think those types of people are my target audience. They frustrate me. I frustrate me when I act in certain ways. But I care, so much, and my frustration usually happens to come out as snark. I don’t believe that coddling is always the best way to help people.
Most people KNOW what they need to do (or stop doing). They know. But for whatever reason they fail. They’re trapped in a trunk and can’t see the release button. And sometimes the right comment at the right time can light the way.
Let me explain … Many years ago I read a story that has stayed with me. It’s about John Gray‘s father, who died while trapped in the trunk of his car. John tells it in the last three paragraphs of his Life Story. John said something that I agree with entirely, “Life is about finding the right button to push that helps you get out of the box.”
I wholeheartedly believe that miserable people are usually only miserable because they don’t know how to release themselves from their own prisons. I still habitually put myself in one. It’s becoming increasingly easy for me to let myself out for air, though. And to stop putting myself in them in the first place.
I’ve seen so many brilliant and beautiful people suffer because they are missing one little thing. Sometimes it’s the realization that they ARE worthwhile and deserve their success. Other times it’s knowing that the more they succeed the more they can help other people. Either way, sometimes it takes a slight jolt to shift a perspective.
Some people respond best to kindness and hearts and rainbows, and some of us need a swift kick in the arse. Because, sure, you can soothe the poor guy who’s stuck in the trunk by telling him all sorts of wonderful things while he dies slowly. Or you can say, “HEY, DUMBASS! THERE’S A FUCKING BUTTON RIGHT OVER THERE! FIND THAT SHIT AND PUSH IT!!!”
One of the books I have in my astore How to Get a Grip by Matthew Kimberley, reflects the type of words that help me when I need outside help. Thank you, Tim Brownson, for the recommendation! My favorite line from the book is in the section titled, How To Use This Book: “It’s a book, dumb-ass. It’s not for using, it’s for reading so read this.” It really sets the tone and lets you know what kind of book you’re about to experience.
While I am no Matthew Kimberley, I do enjoy the same type of smarmy and sarcastic butt-kicking he employs. If you have a laugh when someone calls you a dumb son-of-a-bitch, AND you realize that you’re doing something that isn’t helpful for your well-being, so you rethink your methods, then I have achieved my goal, and you have achieved some more freedom.
Hey, Dumbass. There’s a fucking button right over there. Find that shit and push it. I’ll be here on the outside, cheering you on, because I know you’ve got this.
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