You know those “somedays” that most of us have?
“Someday … I’m going to quit smoking.”
“Someday … I’ll get in shape.”
“Someday I’ll start a blog.”
“Someday I’ll read that book.”
“Someday I’ll go to that meeting.”
“Someday … I’ll die full of sadness and regret because I didn’t do most of the things I said I was going to do someday.”
You get what I mean.
I had another Someday yesterday. On November 4th, 2010, I rented a storage unit. Then I put a bunch of stuff in it. I was going to leave it there until Someday, when I had a larger and more permanent place to live. About a year and a half ago I bought a big house. I decided that I was going to stop spending the money on storage, because it was silly. My Grand plan was to bring home one box a week. Baby steps! Something so simple that I thought even I could handle it. Fail! My plan was eventually relegated to Someday. Yes, once in a while I would actually go and get a box or three and bring it home. Those times were few and far between. Usually I groaned and whinged and put it off. I’d do it Someday. Until recently, when someday turned into yesterday.
For some reason I’d been thinking about that storage unit quite a bit this month. I was thinking of some things I wanted that may or may not have been in there. I realized that magical fairies were not going to bring those things to my house. More importantly, I realized that I WANTED to be the one to go get my things and bring them home. I considered paying someone to bring the boxes to me, but realized I wanted to inspect them and make sure I knew wtf I was bringing home. I was so motivated that I actually called my mom one afternoon and asked to borrow her vehicle and take some boxes home. She was feeling unusually adventurous and came with me! I only wanted her moral support, but she tends to be an overachiever (like me) and she carried some stuff, too.
My motivation was so strong that we ended up bringing half of it to my house that day. There was a LOT less in there than I remembered – YAY! Happily, all of the things I was wanting have been found already – even something very special to me that I was quite certain had been lost forever, which is now up on my wall over my desk.
We loosely planned to bring the rest to my house before my next rent payment was due, which is on the 4th of August. The first day we’d planned to go get it done was a bust. Neither of us felt like doing a thing, so off it went, back to Someday. The next day, however, my normally meek and passive mother was having none of my nonsense, and off we went! It took less than an hour, and THE SHED IS EMPTY!!! I’ll be turning in my keys either tomorrow or on Tuesday, well before the rent is due.
Some people are going to think that it is stupid to be so excited about such a small act. Other people might think, “wow! I GET it! Go You!!!” as they think of things on their Someday list and start to berate themselves for not getting them handled. Hell, I’m starting to freak out about some of the other things on my Someday list, and wondering why they’re still there, and what the fuck is wrong with me that I can’t just get my shit done.
I’m not going to let myself go there. Not today. Not the day after I accomplished something that I’ve been avoiding for years and years. I’m going to allow myself a win, because winning is a MUCH more useful mindset than self-deprecation.
The most successful people don’t walk around feeling like losers until they stumble into success. They recognize that the winning happens before the event(s). They wake up each day and act like they’ve already won, until success becomes inevitable.
Lately I’ve been slipping back into old grooves of pessimism and self-loathing. It feels temporary, though. In the past it’s seemed almost the opposite. The negativity was the familiar, and the happiness felt fleeting. It’s starting to feel like I’m almost at the tipping point now. The positivity is finally starting to look like the default and the disappointments are fleeting.
Now that I have my old notes and journals (because they aren’t in some dusty-ass storage unit anymore – WOO!) I can see how far I’ve come in my life. Although I know that there are people in the world who do truly amazing things every day (and some days I want a damn trophy because I got out of bed before 2 p.m.), I can read the words of that freshly divorced young woman who felt completely broken and hopeless and I can marvel at how much better I am now. My worst days this year are still so much better than even the best days I had back then. I can see my progress. I can see the bigger picture. I can remind myself that the ONLY person I have ANY business comparing myself to is me. And I can see that I’m doing just fine.
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